What to Do if Fiance Doesnt Want Another Baby
In an ideal world, family planning conversations — how many kids you want to take and when — happen before the wedding. But fifty-fifty when couples practice tackle that question life barrels on and answers alter, specially afterwards a couple has had a baby. Possibly a pregnancy was difficult. Maybe the daily grind of parenting is more overwhelming than one parent thought it would be. Infinite and money might exist issues, likewise. In whatever case, desires for a larger family shift. Or get more intense. But what practice yous do when you don't desire another kid but your partner does? It'south a tricky situation, one that can rock the foundation of even the happiest partnerships. So what's the best grade of action for couples to have? We asked five therapists to counterbalance in on how to best have the chat.
Relax and Wait It Out
As families typically have i child at a time (unless they have twins) this is non a pressing consequence that needs to exist solved right abroad. There are usually other issues impacting such a conclusion. If the relationship is not in the best place, there may not be a want for one spouse to have additional children. If a particular child is hard, it may pb one parent not to want to have any more kids. All of these things can change with time and through working on building a stiff relationship. While it is possible that there will always exist a dispute regarding whether to have more kids or not, I have seen multiple times where people wound up having more children even though initially i spouse wanted to cap it at a smaller number. Furthermore, you don't necessarily control the number of kids you have. Some couples tin't have children, others have them even when using birth control, so sometimes these conflicts are moot. —Shlomo Slatkin, MS, LCPC, co-founder of the Marriage Restoration Project
Talk It Out and Exist Willing to Compromise
It's important for parents to openly explore the pros and cons of each position when they disagree about whether or not to take more than children. Was one parent an only child? Practise they not feel that it is possible to requite multiple children the degree of attention that a singleton receives? Or conversely, are more children desired so that the first kid can have the companionship that siblings provide? Did 1 parent come from a large lively family and cannot imagine having anything less?
Sometimes the parent who is the primary caregiver feels overwhelmed and overextended by the responsibility and effort involved in parenting. Would the parent who wants to expand the family unit exist able and willing to provide more than hands-on help?
Oft decisions about whether or not to increase family size involve work and career considerations for both parents. Is at that place a way for each parent to accomplish a desirable degree of focus on both parenting and career if a new kid enters the moving picture?
Finally, if all options are thoroughly explored, and a consensus has not been reached, it may exist wise to settle on keeping the family unit pocket-sized. After all, it is preferable for both parents to exist happy and willing to attend to the child or children that they have than for ane partner to exist resentful of the other, or fifty-fifty worse toward the children. — Dr. Erika Doukas, Clinical Psychologist
Enquire What the Want for More Kids Is About
This often comes down to poor communication. In Emotion Focused Therapy, people oft recognize that their partners wants take deeper significant. Does one partner want more kids because they feel their biological clock is ticking? Do they feel pressure from family? Are they having trouble connecting to a child you already have? Do they non want to have kids because of fiscal stress, or because they are feeling overwhelmed, wanting some of that freedom they lost dorsum? These are conversations that need to be had. If you can understand why your partner has the position they do and communicate yours yous far more probable to come to an agreement. — Victoria Woodruff, LMSW, MSW
Use Logic, And so Emotion
It's very of import that couples come to a unified decision. This isn't actually a space where compromise tin, or should, happen. That volition lead to resentment and negative outcomes to the family overall. There are basically 2 ways of making decisions, and one of them would exist to rely upon logic. Examine the applied resources of fourth dimension, fiscal resources, and the way that having more children might affect the other children in the family. You lot take to really assess all of those things in order to come up to a logical decision.
Sometimes, the decision to have more kids can come up from emotion and the slap-up meaning that having more children has for the family. That can really stem from someone's life dreams about what their family is going to look similar. The most important affair that couples or dads can practise whenever they are faced with this, is to have a series of deep and meaningful conversations with their partner. Those conversations shouldn't be aimed at making the decision, but in understanding what their partner needs.
Of course, there are going to be instances where you might change your version of what your dream family would look like after you have a child and realize what that ways for you. I think information technology'southward likewise important to notation that couples can expect to accept a bigger, more difficult conversation when they are going from zero to one, vs. 3 to four. If a decision is non going to exist reached, someone is going to have to give up on something if they are going to remain in this human relationship. Someone is going to feel a loss. Information technology'south important to examine what that loss means. When two people tin can meet each other's feelings with understanding, they can piece of work through that grief and sadness. If that'south done in a supportive fashion, the human relationship can be unharmed and salubrious. — Stephanie Wjilkstrom, MS, LPC, MCC, Founder of Counseling and Health Eye of Pittsburgh
Talk Information technology Out Over Time
It requires a lot of communication to work through this effect, and can be revisited at several points throughout the marriage, or over the course of childbearing years. People evolve and change as they develop and navigate different life stages. It'southward very possible that on the heels of having a kid, 1 partner may experience very strongly well-nigh non having another, and and so a year later, they'll alter their mind.
If one partner is completely unwilling to discuss it at one bespeak, only would be open to revisiting it in six months, at that place is value in setting a time to talk about information technology in six months, and that's okay. Couples should exist sensitive to when and where they are talking about it. Giving space and room for each partner to be able to express themselves in the conversation is validating. Show understanding of where that partner is coming from. Ask them, "What is it that makes you want what you want or don't want?" Each partner can glean a deeper understanding of where the other partner is emotionally. This could require a grieving process of the fantasy of what one parent had hoped for. —Dr. Dana Dorfman, MSW, Ph.D.
What to Do if Fiance Doesnt Want Another Baby
Source: https://www.fatherly.com/love-money/when-only-one-wants-another-baby-marriage/
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